A Poorer Weekend

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This weekend was less good than the previous one.
Have been in bed pretty much the whole time. No tv, or reading books or magazines. Almost nothing. Too tired for anything. Body and brain exhausted. Food brought up to me in bed by my husband, which I was so grateful for.

This has been getting more and more common for a while now. Not really sure how long, and I don’t have enough mental energy to think back. But I sometimes feel the days, weeks and even months are all merging together.

The only thing that distinguishes one week or month from another is what “property crisis” has happened. (Or is ongoing.) And needed urgent attention.
Mind you, some of the things that get to a critical stage are caused by me only being able to work so slowly. And for shorter and shorter lengths of time. My frightening backlog just keeps getting bigger.

On Friday I only managed to do two things :

(a) An email to a large utility company about an issue ongoing for a few weeks now. Concerning a (currently empty) property where it seems the last two tenants didn’t bother to pay their gas & electric bills. And the letting agent has totally failed to confirm the move-in and move-out readings. All causing me unnecessary hassle and stress.
I didn’t have enough energy (physical or mental) to phone. The email wasn’t massively long – but it took me 2.5 hours to type and send.
Q. This may sound odd to any non-CFS/ME sufferers reading ?
To explain, the TOTAL time the email took me to do was 2.5 hours – not incl breaks. This was with numerous breaks/stops because my energy and thought processes were so poor. A phone call would have been beyond me as you cannot take a lot of breaks while talking. Either it would be a very long, expensive call. Or, more likely, the other person would just hang up.

Anyway, this was on Friday morning and took all my energy away for the rest of the day. I was unable to do anything after that.
And I mean anything.

(b) At around 11.00 pm at night I realised that I had meant to check my bank accounts that pay the BTL (buy to let) mortgage direct debits and receive rents.
This is a vital thing I have to check regularly. As the mortgage DD’s always come off on the same dates, but unfortunately rents don’t always come in when they should. This, together with the poxy overdraft limits = cash-flow problems at times !
    Anyway, when I went online to check, it was as I had feared. One rent not thru and another short-paid for some reason. This meant I had to move some funds from elsewhere. May sound not too difficult ? Assuming funds can be found of course . . .
But I was trying to focus and work through so many CFS symptoms. Another bad headache started after just 5 mins at my desk, as well as lots of other symptoms. On top of feeling very weak and drained of all energy all day.  Add in the brain fog – and this task became very difficult for me.
I got it all sorted out ok – but took me 90 mins.  When it should have taken 10 or 15 mins. 

NB. This is why I have a massive backlog. Not because I have any more work than anyone else.

The after-affect of having to push on like this, when I had been bad to start with, was “crash” – and all of Saturday and Sunday in bed.

Most of Sat my brain was still racing and in overdrive thinking about all the other things still on Friday’s To Do list. Maybe 15 or 20 things – and I had only managed 2 of them.
And some of these had been carried forward from previous days . . .
But the more I thought about it, and tried to think of ideas, solutions, better ways of doing it all – the more severe my headache got. And other symptoms.

It was making me increasinly ill.
And I was feeling quite beaten by it all.

But on Sunday – I listened to some meditation music thru my mobile with the earphones. It was trial and error, but some of it was really good. Really nice. And I think has helped a bit.

Now, Monday morning, I still feel very physically weak. But my head feels calmer, less exhausted maybe. And I haven’t needed any headache tablets for 18 hours now.

A step in the right direction ?


A Decent Weekend

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Well the weekend past was reasonably good I guess.
Friday was a write-off – a bad CFS day. But nothing unusual at the moment.
On Saturday – the symptoms and exhaustion eased off by early evening. (Thank goodness . . . )  And I treated myself to a nice slow bath. Well it was certainly slow. As the whole business of shampooing hair and then rinsing by using a plastic tumbler of water was like something from many years ago.
And nice ?
That may be stretching it a bit. More awkward, as it is a very small bath. In a smaller than average bathroom. For me to lie back and stretch out fully – I have to put my feet on the wall above or beside the taps. Am I very tall you may be asking ?  NO ! Just 5′ 2″ without shoes.
Also trying not to bang my head against the wash-hand basin above (slightly overhangs the bath) is another challenge.
But it was warm and I am finding it easier than taking a shower just now. Slightly less exhausting and I tend to recover a bit quicker afterwards.
      Later had a very nice dinner which hubby cooked. Well, bought from Tesco and put in oven. But much appreciated. Very tender lamb shank, slow cooked with loads of veg. And some Prossecco wine. Just lovely. Followed by some chocs which were a gift from a friend. And a well appreciated gift too – as I had been in need of cheering up !

Sunday –  and I actually got out of the house. 1st time for 21 days. Yes I have been counting – as this keeps happening. (My work is killing me.)
Went for a early evening pub meal with hubby.
Now we didn’t exactly push the boat out here. We went to a local J D Wetherspoons pub and had the “burger meal deal” – which was something like 2 burger meals & 2 soft drinks for £7.99 (in total). I enjoyed it though, as was great to be out the house.
Later once back home, just relaxed and watched some tv. With 2 small glasses of wine. And finished off those chocs.

Simple pleasures . . . but nice.
And I am very grateful for them.

An update


When I started this blog in Aug 2012 I had so much stuff in my head that needed to be aired and shared. And I had grand plans of writing a post every week. I certainly have enough in my head for a weekly post.
But life with CFS gets in the way.
I find writing about my experiences with CFS very theraputic.  Once I have written and published something on my blog, its as if some of the upset and/or anger the issue has caused me over the years reduces. Evaporates even in some cases. And this is very healthy.
But I have been struggling a lot recently, and managing to do very little – other than work. I have to do this (as work for myself) but am doing it poorly. And very slowly. And often feel like am getting nowhere.
It seems like my life is just :
work – exhausted/CFS worse – rest – recover a bit. Then start all over again.
But I know I’ve moaned about this before !
But there really isn’t much else going on. I counted back today – the last time I had enough energy left over to get out the house was 18 days ago. And this was just to the postbox at end of the street.
This wasn’t meant to be another post moaning about it though. More to explain why my posts have been few and far between,  ie. No energy . . . . !  The same reason for not being able to do most things I’d like to.
However, I am going to try to post much more often.  I mean, it doesn’t really matter if the items are shorter and not well written – does it ? Its just a blog after all.
But hope you will all keep reading anyway ?
PS.  I really appreciate any comments that people have gone to the trouble of leaving – seriously. And I apologise for probably not responding to them. Again, its the sheer lack of energy thats to blame. Not lack of appreciation or interest.

Rosa Rainbows

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