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Fighting a legal battle with very few resources

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Pie chart explained at  the end.


It feels like most of this year has been taken up trying to deal with 2 very big problems that have occurred as a consequence of my Bankruptcy. Which is dealing with legal and financial “debt” actions for bills and charges relating to one of the flats I used to rent out. In Motherwell.

Both the council for the area and the factors that manage the property want me to pay for things that have arisen or been charged after I went bankrupt in Sep 2014. This is why I referred to “debt” in inverted commas – as it is debts I haven’t run up myself. And no reasonable person would expect to be liable for these – as the properties had all been handed over to a Trustee In Bankruptcy in 2014.

My Trustee In Bankruptcy (say) they have repeatedly explained my situation to these 2 organisations (particularly the factors) over the last few years – ie, I am bankrupt, went bankrupt because of health, gave all assets away on becoming Bankrupt, have no income or savings now. And can hardly manage to deal with anything because of my health. Which is WHY I opted for Bankruptcy. Sorry, I know this is the 1000th time I‘ve mentioned this . . . . !

I have also made (been forced to make) some efforts at explaining all this myself to these organisations – usually in long emails. At great cost to my health every time, as even small exertions usually make me more ill. And can cause me to crash/relapse even further for days, weeks, etc.

Trying to think and type out an email will usually take me hours and is a very big exertion with my level of health and ability (or disability).

Again, this is why I went Bankrupt.

But these 2 particular organisations don’t care a jot about this. They seem determined to push on for their pound of flesh.

Some of this stuff I’ve probably written about in earlier posts – sorry about this. And for maybe repeating stuff.

But I desperately need to try and pour some of this out – as it is all keeping me very ill indeed. It feels like it has consumed most of this year. And it is consuming me. My physical health and my mental and emotional health too. Nightmares all the time, increasing this year – with all this worry.

Oh, and the Bankruptcy itself is still ongoing.

Still being administered.

Still dragging on.

Some other flats still to be sold.

So for me, being “discharged” from Bankruptcy in Sep 2015 has meant absolutely nothing. I have no idea what benefits there are from saying a person is discharged. Not that I expected any benefits as such – I just mean what is that actual point of the statement saying you are “discharged” when you were a landlord with various properties ? Because they don’t get disposed of overnight. And it is also pretty unlikely they will be disposed of within 12 months either. (By “disposed of”, I mean sold or repossessed.)

Given that one mortgage lender has taken almost 3 years to repossess an empty flat. A flat that was not tenanted, was unoccupied, ie. vacant – in Sep 2014. And well before that too I believe.

Yes, you read that correctly – 3 years . . . .

This of course, is the flat that has produced the bills I am now having to “fight” these legal and financial battles for.

I put “fight” in commas too, because I have so little ability to fight this.

As well as all the pages of physical symptoms I have with Severe ME, the awful cognitive dysfunction (AKA brain fog) prevents me being able to express myself or remember things when I most need to. Well, it causes problems for me all the time of course. Its very frustrating not to be able to remember stuff I have just read in a book, or having to re-read an email 5 times, or cannot digest something just heard on TV perhaps. It is miserable actually – but not essential in the way it will be in a court case.

The legal battle the firm of property factors are waging against me – is now in the 2nd part.

This firm (I will call them Apollo Property – not their real name) are suing me in 3 stages for factors bills, charges and “estimated” bills for communal maintenance/repairs. The total I think, adds up to somewhere between £9000 and £10000.

I think the reason they are doing it in 3 parts is so it comes under what is called the Simple Procedure in Scotland. It used to be called something like Small Claims. Either way, it is dealt with by the Sherriff Court. And I think the legal charges for the person bringing the action are cheaper than a normal court case. And the top limit for these types of cases I’m told are £5000.

So I am assuming that is why Apollo are doing it in this way.

It makes no difference to me really – as I have no funds with which to pay any of this. And would never have expected to be liable to pay these things. No reasonable person would surely ?

As I mentioned in this post, IF the flat had still been tenanted – the tenant’s rents would have been taken over by the Trustee. But I would still be liable to pay bills like these factors bills – from fresh air .

No reasonable person would expect this to be the position.

And I still don’t know for sure if this actually IS the legal position.

The previous solicitor I had requested to send or email me the specific legislation relating to this, ie. The Act and section, paragraph etc, where this is stated and detailed. So I could read it myself – as it seems so unbelievable.

He hasn’t replied.

But then he has been paid. (You have to pay the legal fees in advance and ongoing for this type of legal assistance. You do not get a bill at the end.)

 

For this 2 nd Stage – Apollo are claiming approx £5000.

For “estimated” bills for communal repairs and maintenance.

I don’t understand how it can be estimated – you would think they must know what they have paid out exactly ?

And is legal detail not meant to be accurate and specific ? I thought that the whole essence of legal stuff was the preciseness of the detail ?

So I am baffled by this.

 

Ironically, the whole communal area where this flat in Motherwell is located had, as I understood, been allowed to go downhill. And this was probably a result of the previous factors failing to carry out any maintenance or repairs over a period of a few years. (They eventually went into Administration and the current factors Apollo took over.) And of course, this would be why the letting agent I used said they just couldn’t get any decent tenants for the flat. And it had sat empty for quite some time before 2014.

No landlord would just choose to have a property sitting empty. Just saying . . .

At this particular scheme where my flat was – there are 3 small blocks of flats. Each with 11 flats in them.

They would all have needed similar work to mine I am pretty sure. So anything I am being charge for can be multiplied by 11 for definite. And then by 3,  as 3 blocks.

Very recently it also came to light these factors Apollo are also charging the mortgage lender a sum of £16280 which they want paid to them from the sale of the flat.

(The lender finally repossessed it in March this year, and it was sold in July. )

The only detail Apollo seem to have given the bank’s solicitors is vague descriptions like “essential maintenance” and “charges”.

So that means the total of these repairs for my flat = £5000 + £16280

= £21280

And for the full block (as communal works)

X 11 flats = £234,080

And for the scheme of 3 blocks :

An absolutely whopping £702,240 . . . . !!

These figures seem astronomical.

I didn’t mean to type so much detail and make this into such a long post. But my head is spinning with all of this . . . .

And how to fight it with so little energy.

 

The pie chart in the picture at the top is a screen shot I took from an app called ME/CFS App. I try to record my daily energy use on it – in the hope of it helping me in the future. Or maybe as a visual aid perhaps to show a GP of how my life is.

I’ve been doing this off and on for a few years.

The dark blue is the amount of time I am either sleeping – or completely disabled.

Possibly resting or recovering from doing stuff, but certainly unable to “do” anything at all. Not even listen to soft music, certainly not read.

Just totally non-functional.

And this is at least 80% of my life.

Probably more actually – as you fill in the areas of “activity” in 30 min boxes. Nearly everything is a high or medium energy activity for me. A low energy activity may be listening to meditation music lying down. Or maybe eating food.

A simple text message might take me 20 mins to type out – but I would probably fill a 30 mins box for this on the App. So I tend to overstate my time being active.

I imagine my actual level of functioning is around 10 % .

Which is a pretty shit life – lets be honest.

10% is the figure the App keeps telling me is my baseline. I don’t even know what “baseline” means, as haven’t had enough spare energy to read all the instructions in 2 or 3 years.

So anyway – I’m trying to fight this legal battle with Apollo Factors while being functional only 10% of the time.

Not to mention the firm of Debt Collectors now employed by the Council for Motherwell as well.

I don’t feel very hopeful.

But its good to vent . . . .

And if the sheer effort of typing all this gets some of this horror out of my head, and reduces the number of nights a week I have exhausting nightmares – then it has been worthwhile for me.

Sorry its such a long read.

 

 

 

 

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Crashing badly now . . . and scared 

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Trying to put this post on my blog in a hurry.

As I can feel myself crashing badly. And I’m fearful I won’t be able to communicate at all with anyone for a while. Not that I do communicate with people very much. Apart from my husband, I don’t think I have seen or spoken to anyone for months. But I do manage to keep in touch with a couple of friends by text message. Even this is hard for me with so many ME symptoms to contend with. Finding it painful to tolerate the brightness of a mobile phone screen is just one difficult symptom.

For the last while – maybe almost 2 months now – I’ve been pushing myself regularly way beyond what I can safely do. Which is frustratingly very little anyway.   I haven’t had any choice in this – see last blog post for details.

A combination of lots of emails and maybe 3 quite long legal phone calls has finished me off.  Every email or phone conversation I only “managed” by somehow summoning up a huge amount of adrenaline (God knows where from).  Because of the importance of the communications. And every time I crashed miserably afterwards.

Every time the crashes have felt worse. More symptoms, worse severity.  But I had to keep pushing against this – because of the situation.

I feel so angry about this whole situation. All of the last 3 years. And now this legal fight – to cap it all.

But I can’t do anymore just now.

I feel as though this last 2 months extra-big  surge of stress, exertion, confusion, worry, etc has caused one crash too many.  Too many extreme type symptoms have started again, or feel worse, eg. can’t tolerate much light at all, or sound, or movement/vibration near me. All the usual symptoms are worse.

Trying to type this thru severe headaches and the agonising brightness of the screen is really really hard. And my brain feels like its plugged into electricity. I feel so horribly wired and over stimulated. Thoughts of the last 3 years of Hell all racing round my head.

I have had to spend a lot of 2017 so far in bed. Not all of it – but far too much of it. It is a rubbish life. Although there are many people with ME who are much worse than me. I know this. And I usually try to focus on being grateful that I’m not even worse. I read about one young girl who wasn’t able to sit up in her bed for 9 years.  9 YEARS . . . .  not weeks or months. And people who have lost the ability to speak. Or swallow food.

And I’m quite frightened now that I could deteriorate even further.

The last 2 months have been too much.  Its as simple as that.

I need to rest completely.  Even if this means bowing out of any communications with the outside world for a while. And avoiding any stimulation.  Or thinking.

Just breathe . . . .

I can’t take much more . . . 

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I need the help of a good solicitor in Glasgow

HAVE REMOVED THE BULK OF THIS BLOG POST.   FOR LEGAL REASONS. 

I only have enough energy just now to copy below an email I sent to my usual solicitor last week. As it gives some background.
But he told me his firm don’t do civil court cases therefore cannot help.

HAVE REMOVED ALL OF THE DETAIL FROM THIS PART TOO.

” I am simply not well enough to phone around. Therefore adding this to my blog. And will advertise/appeal on Twitter.
Maybe not ideal but its all I can think of.

HAVE REMOVED STUFF HERE TOO.

It makes phone calls too hard. I can’t remember stuff, communicate what I need to say, get muddled, etc.
This email is massively hard work and exhausting. But I can take hours over it with breaks. Change mistakes, etc.

And another worry is any time limits for things. This is also why I feel I need proper representation.
Because with ME – when I push myself to use extra energy on something big (like typing this email) – I am then much worse for the next few days. Often completely wiped out with severe headaches and exhaustion.

So I’m concerned that I won’t be able to do things quickly enough, eg. any forms needed.

Sorry this is so long.
Will wait to hear from you.

Hope you are well and business is good.

Best regards

Anne Dean ”

Blog post amended 26/4/2017.

Apologies if it doesn’t make much sense now. My priority was just to delete any specific detail about the legal issue. Even although no actual names were mentioned, I felt it was sensible to do this. 

 

A typical day 

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Yesterday was a typical day. With me exhausted although I managed to do very little.

Morning :  

Woke at 7.15 am.  Had a cereal bar and water for breakfast. (Keep these by the bed.) Then sent a few text messages. Then had a quick look at Twitter (thats usually where I get any news about whats happening in the world). And re-tweeted a few tweets by other people to help raise awareness about ME or CFS. I don’t manage to talk to people on twitter much. It’s usually too exhausting for me. But retweeting some things makes me feel I am doing something. Taking part. 

 By 9 am I was pretty tired and that was all I had done. Oh – and I had brushed my teeth too.  The headache, which had started after about two minutes of using my mobile phone, was now quite bad. (Even thinking and typing a text can be an exhausting activity.) And the exertion of brushing my teeth had made me out of breath and the movement had made the headache even worse. I had to give in and rest. Lying down in bed again. And took painkillers. 

I had to rest in bed until 3pm. Lying down, doing nothing, no stimulation at all, sleeping much of the time.                   6 hours rest/sleep needed after 90 mins of “activity”.                                                      I put activity in commas because in no normal well person’s world would it take 90 mins to send 4 texts and 4 retweets on twitter. And brush teeth. 

Afternoon :  

Got up around 3 pm.                           Managed to freshen up using body wipes (wet wipes). And got dressed. Eat a banana and a babybel cheese for lunch. And drank more water. Lots of water. As just the exertion of freshening up and getting dressed made me out of breath and thirsty. And I was tiring again.                             Tried to fight the urge to rest – as I was hardly up any time. Tidied up the bedroom, opened window and folded the duvet back to air the bed.    Forced to rest as now very tired, even more out of breath, and chest heavy. Plus neck pain. 

Sat on sofa in living room for about an hour or more. Just resting, with neck and head propped up and supported with cushions (to try to ease neck pain). I was so tired again that I wanted to lie down on the sofa. But the feeling of weight on my chest got worse when I tried this.

By 5 pm I wasn’t really feeling much better. But I needed to eat something more. A sickly headache was starting up,  and I was aware that I hadn’t eaten very much today. Which was probably now causing the headache, or making it worse. (I always feel awful if I go too long without food.)   

In the kitchen I just put some cheese and cold ham on a plate. With some cherry tomatoes. And a muffin. Ideally I would have liked to make a sandwich – but I couldn’t stand long enough to do this. So it was a case of just grabbing what I could.  After eating the food I felt a bit better. And was able to make a cup of tea.  This helped ease the headache a bit  – but the other symptons were still there. 

I wanted to do something (anything) to try and distract my attention away from the symptons. This isn’t easy to do. Because doing anything physical is very hard with the chest symptoms. And usually increases them and I end up even more breathless with a worse “weight” on the chest. Or a tight restricted feeling.  Reading wasn’t possible as I knew it would trigger more headaches. And it is hard to read and remember any of it with the level of “brain fog” that I have with ME.  Watching any TV was out of the question too. As i couldn’t tolerate the sound, or any bright colours or movement on the screen.   

So I eventually decided to listen to a recording from a website from an American Life Coach/trainer/motivational person. I had come across this on twitter and had saved the link, as thought it might be helpful.  To be honest, I have probably saved hundreds of interesting looking links to things over the years on twitter. But I haven’t been well enough to read or listen to most of them.                                             With ME – the gap between what I would like to do and what I can actually do is huge. And a big source of frustration. 

Early Evening : 

I listened to the 30 min recording. And it was good – I liked it. I immediately forgot most if it of course (damn brain fog . . .).  But I will listen to it again for sure.  It was about taking full 100% responsibility for everything that has happened in your life. Especially the bad stuff. And losing any kind of “victim” mindset.  It was good and I can definetely see the value in this. As I know I am holding onto a lot of anger, resentment and distress. And I still have so many nightmares about the bankruptcy (which is still ongoing). And about bad experiences with medical people. Plus the attempted PIP claim and terrible experience with Atos (nurse from Hell) just about finished me off. 

But maybe even listening for 30 mins was too much for me. Not only did my headache and neck pain come back with a vengeance, but my head was spinning. And my mind racing with the memories of all the bad things that have happened over all the years I’ve had ME. All the losses. All the medical mistreatment. The possibly ill-advised Bankruptcy (bankruptcy in reverse really). My marriage almost breaking (several times) with the strain of everything.   Then my brain was running through memories from the Property years – some rubbish letting agents, bad tenants (one actual tenant from hell), scum tradesmen, etc etc.  All bad memories. 

My energy just totally crashed.              And I had to take more painkillers and get into bed. Just as my husband got home from work. Luckily he would make the dinner. (He always has to make the dinner, and I’m really grateful for this.) 

I didn’t manage to get up again until 11.30 pm. Still felt rough but was hungry and thirsty. Hubby had eaten his dinner ages ago and was about to get ready for bed. So I warmed my dinner up in the microwave and eat it at midnight. Not ideal . . .  But very grateful that hubby had cooked it. And also grateful (or relieved) that I had been able to get back up and eat.  There have been many nights I couldn’t do this at all. And had to eat in bed, sometimes in a lying down position. Or just too exhausted to eat at all.  Over the last few years. 

But limited and small as this day was – I would rate this as an OK day. Out of a choice of Good, Bad or OK. 

I have had much worse days than this over the last few years. 

And I have had better days too.

And hope to have more better ones. 

But it shows how far removed our lives are from normal levels of ability when we have ME.  In what other illnesses  would a person class their day as OK when all they could manage to do was : 

Send a few texts messages, be on twitter for 10 mins, up and out of bed for only 3 or 4 hours (much of this resting),  eat some food, listen to a 30 min recording, talk to husband for about 20 mins.

Its not much . . .                                           But as I mentioned – I have had many poorer days than this. And I’m very grateful for the better days. 

 

The Bankruptcy stuff just keeps getting worse . . .

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My brain is exhausted and burned out.
Totally fried.

The never ending Bankruptcy stuff is still going on. No end in sight – 2 years now.
In fact its worse than that. 

I have a letter from the Trustee In Bankruptcy dated a month ago. It states that I may be made bankrupt AGAIN. Or sequestrated – to use the correct Scottish term.
It’s not definite, but still shocking to read.

The whole reason for the Bankruptcy (which was voluntary) was because my health was so poor at the start of 2014.
My ME was severe and I was too ill to carry on. I couldn’t do anything more.
I know I keep repeating this.
Sorry.

Because my health has been so bad,  I haven’t been able to communicate effectively with the Trustee In Bankruptcy. Any time I have tried it goes wrong.
The “brain fog” that comes with ME has been too severe and has ruined any communication attempts.

From Day One I had begged for everything in writing. Because of the brain fog.
But it doesn’t happen.
(Its often very hard for me to read stuff too, and digest the information. But at least if I have a letter or email I can read it over and over. 10 times if needed. Even then, I may still not understand it because of my ME. But there would be a bit more chance of it.)

Many times over the last 2 years I’ve been asked to do things I couldn’t do. 
Or provide information I couldn’t provide.
Or to read long documents and sign – which I couldn’t read.
All because I’ve been too unwell.

The WHOLE POINT of the voluntary Bankruptcy was to hand everything over to the Trustee.
So that they would deal with EVERYTHING.
Sign EVERYTHING.
Take EVERYTHING to do with the 15 properties away from me.

I know I have mentioned this before too.
Sorry.

Then I’ve made myself even more ill with trying to explain this to them. That I’m not able to deal with anything.
Over and over.

And to the Bankruptcy Adviser.

And to my husband.
Because they will phone him at work (while he is dealing with gas and the public) and he just agrees to anything. Says “that will be fine” – as he wants to be helpful.
Then I get put under pressure to do or provide what was asked for.
And I’m usually not able to do it.
Or not even sure what I’m being asked to do.
Or why.
As usually nothing in writing. No guidance. No explanation.

The stress of this has been abysmal.
Utterly abysmal.
It has almost finished our marriage.

For most of the last 10 weeks we haven’t been able to live under the same roof.
No choice any longer for me.
We haven’t split up – we just can’t be in the same place while this is going on.
NB. This is no easy choice.
Given that I can hardly look after myself. With food etc. So I’m eating quite poorly nuch of the time. And I’m in bed so much.
And it is very lonely. As I may speak to not a single person all week until hubby visits at the weekend.

But the stress has been too much for too long.
I felt I was getting pushed to the point where I was at risk of having a stroke or a heart attack. Or a total psychiatric breakdown.

Many times in this blog I have talked about the severe headaches and the disabling chest pains. Plus all the nightmares.
But in real life nobody takes anything I say seriously.

So many people with ME or CFS have an endless battle with medical professionals to be taken seriously.
I have had that too.
But I also seem to be in a battle with the Trustee In Bankruptcy. And the Bankruptcy Adviser (although I’ve given up on that now.)
And even with my own husband at times.
Just to be taken seriously in what I’m saying. Begging them all to hear me.

I’m so traumatised and angered by the whole Bankruptcy thing that me and my husband can’t discuss it at all now. I go into a complete meltdown every single time.
Then my ME is even worse afterwards.

Plus I’m fearful for my husband’s health too. He has high blood pressure now, caused by all of this I’m sure. And needs various medications for it.
All the rows and shocks are very bad for him too I’m sure.

I need to be able to do a letter of response to the Trustee In Bankruptcy. Because there seem to have been some misunderstandings.
They seem to think I have refused to do some things. Thereby “not co-operating” with them. This can be very serious – that much I do know.
It’s not true of course.
And I have to be able to tell them this.
But I can’t.

Because my brain will not work.

A simple letter, and yet I cannot manage this.
I will keep trying of course. But God knows how long this will take me.

This situation really is not fair.

To say I could be made Bankrupt again – because I haven’t been well enough to do things. Or do them quickly enough.
And the whole Bankruptcy was because I could hardly do anything any longer.

If I was able to make phone calls, read letters and documents, and reply clearly and in a timely manner – I would not have needed voluntary Bankruptcy in the first place.

This has been the worst experience of my life.
Because it has all been so out of control to me. Filled with shocks.

I feel like I’m being hammered all the time.
Like being made to walk on broken legs. Over and over.
But its not my legs.
It’s my brain and automatic nervous system that are getting more damaged every time.

These headaches are driving me mad

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Today Sunday – I don’t know whether to cry because of these headaches.  Or scream with frustration.
I haven‘t been outside in the fresh air for more than 3 weeks now. Not even for 5 minutes, or even one minute.
Today is a lovely bright sunny afternoon. I can see lots of golden autumn leaves lying on the street below. A warm coating. And trees with different shades of green.

It’s as if nature is saying to me – Anne, please come outside and breathe me in.

And today my physical energy didn’t seem too bad. I was up,  washed,  dressed and have eaten.  Just a banana and toast and tea. And water.

And I was determined to get out.
I so badly wanted to get out.

But these headaches . . .

I’ve been complaining of them for a very long time I know.
But I haven’t successfully managed to get any medical help. In fact some of my attempts to seek help have just resulted in them being made worse. And my other symptoms escalating. (Have written about this before of course.)

The thing that should eventually help lessen the headaches a bit – is to just lie down. On the bed, or in bed.
And may have to put on eye patches. Or just pull down the blinds.
And have no stimulation at all.

Doing this (lying down) tends to ease various symptoms a bit – not just the headaches. eg, neck pain, being out of breath,  chest tightness, etc.
To mention just a few.

But I spend so much time lying down.
So much of my life.

As its never just 10 mins, or 30 mins that’s needed. More like a few hours. Sometimes three, sometimes six.
Sometimes a whole day.

Last night I had headaches that lasted for 5 hours – after taking painkillers.
But I was able to stay up during all of this time. Even though I couldn’t actually do very much.
Well – I watched Day Of The Jackal. The whole film. One of my favourite films.
And I was quite pleased with that.

But this is worse today.

And I just needed to have a moan.

Today I had the physical energy to be able to go down the stairs and get out.
But simply any movement at all is making the headaches worse. And this has stopped me.   And changing from looking at a close-up item to something further away makes it worse too. (This is a very recent change or difficulty.)
Yes, I do probably need new glasses now too. 
That’s another challenge to think about . . .

A friend told me that Specsavers at Morrisons (the supermarkets) actually do home eye tests.
So I have emailed them to ask if I can have one.

Will see how that goes.

Difficulties keeping in touch and feeling isolated

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I’m feeling a bit down this week at how difficult things are.

My main way of keeping in contact with people has usually been with text message. This is often a struggle too, but at least it was an option on days when I was able to do it.

But now I feel this has been taken away from me.

I just can’t bear to switch my mobile on and see missed calls, text alerts about the missed calls, and voicemails. From people (eg. mortgage lenders) about the bankruptcy stuff. They usually refuse to acknowledge I am Bankrupt. 
Because all this stuff has been going on such a long time – my automatic stress reaction is quite severe now. I talked about this in a previous post.
The last time I put my mobile on it showed I had accumulated 20 voicemail messages. Over a few days. And I ended up having to listen to them – I couldn’t stop myself. And of course I ended up totally debilitated afterwards by headaches.

And another whole day was wiped out because of it.

Another big problem is my hyper-sensitivity to things like my laptop or tablet – this often makes it torture to use email. I can manage it some of the time, just not very often. And even that’s assuming my brain fog will allow me to think out an email.

Phone calls are often too difficult – for lots of reasons.
So many reasons.
Other ME sufferers will know exactly what I mean, especially if they have had severe symptoms.  I don’t have enough energy to explain it here just now. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before – somewhere. If I can find it later I will add a link.

So the only thing left is sending letters or cards.
Which is a nice thing to do – really nice actually. And lovely to receive.
But it takes a lot of energy too.  And not always ideal. Eg. I may just want to text hubby to buy me some more painkillers on his way home.
Plus, when my supply of cards runs out – I can’t just easily order more and have them delivered.
Especially if I feel I cannot open the bloody door . . .

I’m so frustrated at how much these neurological type symptoms (headaches, brain fog, hyper-sensitivity, heightened stress response, etc) are severely limiting my life day to day. On top of everything else.
And even more frustrated that the Trustee In Bankruptcy cannot seem to do anything about many of the unwanted phone calls. Or visits.

I thought about getting another (very basic) phone of course. Maybe just for texts.
But with my levels of exhaustion, brain fog, headaches, etc etc – this is beyond me at the moment. And the delivery wouldn’t work anyway.

Not being able to open my door to anyone (on a good day when I’m up and about) is rubbish.
At least Asda or Tesco deliveries can be booked for an evening delivery when it should be “safe” to answer the door. Thank God for that !
But most other things can’t.

But it’s just life I guess.
We have to take the bad as well as the good. That may sound philosophical and accepting. But I don’t actually feel philosophical or accepting in any way at all right now.

The thing is – we all need connection and contact with other people. 

The physical ME symptoms I struggle with already drastically reduce my contact with friends, and the outside world.
And for this to be made even more difficult now, thru no fault of my own, is hard to deal with some weeks.

Hence why I’m writing this post – to get it out.

Final note :

I have an Eckhart Tolle app on my mobile. Which has lots of calming and accepting and philosophical statements on it.
A good idea I thought.
A positive action.
Trying to help myself.
Will help me stay strong.
Try to focus on bring grateful that things aren’t even worse.
But have you spotted the obvious problem ?

I cannot switch on my fucking mobile because of all the shit going on . . . .

Apologies for the F word.

Older Entries

Jamison Writes

Not Like The Whiskey

Rosa Rainbows

Rosa Rainbows ~ Living with and raising awareness of M.E and Lupus, the crafts that I do, reading books and cute fashion :)

Utting-Wolff Spouts

Encompassing the natural and social sciences, politics and social justice issues

A Prescription for M.E.

My blog from the intersection of patient & pharmacist

Ordinary Miracles

This blog is my story about a life forever changed by chronic illness. I hope you'll laugh and cry with me as I try to make sense of it all. Oh, and nothing I say should ever be construed as offering medical or legal advice.

Not Mid Morning Matters

JD in the Morning, off air...

Stress Management Coach Jayne Cox | Live the Life You Want

ANNE DEAN : My journey with ME - a long one and still ongoing. But I will get there. Comments, thoughts & general rants.

Lesism

The greatest dreams are achieved with open eyes and a conscious mind...

Thoughts About M.E.

Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (M.E.) Advocacy

ANNE DEAN : My journey with ME - a long one and still ongoing. But I will get there. Comments, thoughts & general rants.

Heroes Not Zombies

becoming not being.......

Two Rooms plus Utilities

ANNE DEAN : My journey with ME - a long one and still ongoing. But I will get there. Comments, thoughts & general rants.

Jayne Cox

Specialist Women's Coach

Dead Men Don't Snore

Learning to Live with Chronic Illness

valerieeliotsmith

Law and health; due process and civil society

Chronic Fatigue Survivor's Blog

My experience recovering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS/ME)

ANNE DEAN : My journey with ME - a long one and still ongoing. But I will get there. Comments, thoughts & general rants.

ANNE DEAN : My journey with ME - a long one and still ongoing. But I will get there. Comments, thoughts & general rants.

The World of Northern Bay Girl

My World, My Life, My Blog