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Difficulties keeping in touch and feeling isolated

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I’m feeling a bit down this week at how difficult things are.

My main way of keeping in contact with people has usually been with text message. This is often a struggle too, but at least it was an option on days when I was able to do it.

But now I feel this has been taken away from me.

I just can’t bear to switch my mobile on and see missed calls, text alerts about the missed calls, and voicemails. From people (eg. mortgage lenders) about the bankruptcy stuff. They usually refuse to acknowledge I am Bankrupt. 
Because all this stuff has been going on such a long time – my automatic stress reaction is quite severe now. I talked about this in a previous post.
The last time I put my mobile on it showed I had accumulated 20 voicemail messages. Over a few days. And I ended up having to listen to them – I couldn’t stop myself. And of course I ended up totally debilitated afterwards by headaches.

And another whole day was wiped out because of it.

Another big problem is my hyper-sensitivity to things like my laptop or tablet – this often makes it torture to use email. I can manage it some of the time, just not very often. And even that’s assuming my brain fog will allow me to think out an email.

Phone calls are often too difficult – for lots of reasons.
So many reasons.
Other ME sufferers will know exactly what I mean, especially if they have had severe symptoms.  I don’t have enough energy to explain it here just now. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before – somewhere. If I can find it later I will add a link.

So the only thing left is sending letters or cards.
Which is a nice thing to do – really nice actually. And lovely to receive.
But it takes a lot of energy too.  And not always ideal. Eg. I may just want to text hubby to buy me some more painkillers on his way home.
Plus, when my supply of cards runs out – I can’t just easily order more and have them delivered.
Especially if I feel I cannot open the bloody door . . .

I’m so frustrated at how much these neurological type symptoms (headaches, brain fog, hyper-sensitivity, heightened stress response, etc) are severely limiting my life day to day. On top of everything else.
And even more frustrated that the Trustee In Bankruptcy cannot seem to do anything about many of the unwanted phone calls. Or visits.

I thought about getting another (very basic) phone of course. Maybe just for texts.
But with my levels of exhaustion, brain fog, headaches, etc etc – this is beyond me at the moment. And the delivery wouldn’t work anyway.

Not being able to open my door to anyone (on a good day when I’m up and about) is rubbish.
At least Asda or Tesco deliveries can be booked for an evening delivery when it should be “safe” to answer the door. Thank God for that !
But most other things can’t.

But it’s just life I guess.
We have to take the bad as well as the good. That may sound philosophical and accepting. But I don’t actually feel philosophical or accepting in any way at all right now.

The thing is – we all need connection and contact with other people. 

The physical ME symptoms I struggle with already drastically reduce my contact with friends, and the outside world.
And for this to be made even more difficult now, thru no fault of my own, is hard to deal with some weeks.

Hence why I’m writing this post – to get it out.

Final note :

I have an Eckhart Tolle app on my mobile. Which has lots of calming and accepting and philosophical statements on it.
A good idea I thought.
A positive action.
Trying to help myself.
Will help me stay strong.
Try to focus on bring grateful that things aren’t even worse.
But have you spotted the obvious problem ?

I cannot switch on my fucking mobile because of all the shit going on . . . .

Apologies for the F word.

Gratitude 6 : Red Roses

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image

A short post – as recovering from a rather bad week.
But I’m not going to write about that.

Instead, here is a photo of some lovely flowers from my neighbour. This was so thoughtful.
Aren’t they beautiful ?
Such a deep vivid shade of red.

How nice it was to water them this morning and take delight in how they have bloomed.
Isn’t nature amazing . . . . ?

Reasons For Blog

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A few days ago I was reflecting on my reasons for starting this blog. I said the main reason was for myself – to de-stress. And this is true. I also said I wasn’t bothered if people read it or not – well this wasn’t totally true. I would like people to read it.

Because :

1) I am so anxious for people to know I am not lazy.
This is something I am sensitive about – but it is because of the treatment I have encountered over the years. Many years.

2) So people know what I do – re working with property.
I work for myself, by myself, at home – and sometimes feel a bit removed from the outside world. Doing it with CFS isn’t always easy. Its not that I’m craving attention – but nobody likes to feel they are hidden away with people having no idea what they do all day.

3) To help friends understand why it has often been difficult to have a proper social life.
I am not choosing not to see them. And I am trying to get things back on an even keel.

Other reasons :

4) To help get the word out about the awful treatment of CFS and ME. And to add my voice to the calls for recognition from : the government, health professionals, and the general public.
At the moment the situation is a national and world-wide scandal. People with very severe CFS and ME are actually dying – and it is ignored. Just hidden away.

5) To connect with others with CFS or ME.
Joining twitter opened my eyes to how many people were out there who wanted to talk and share experiences. And just to connect.

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