You look fine or You look well or You Don’t Look Ill

Thought I would give this one a post of its own.

We have all had this comment.
In fact – not just us with CFS or ME, but many others who have what’s termed an invisible illness.
There are 3 different ways this comment is made in my experience :

1) As a genuine compliment.
Made from somebody who really means well or cares.
And in this case it is very welcome. As it is usually obvious that the person is saying it with genuine affection and all good intentions.
And it is a nice thing.

2) It is said in a doubtful manner.
This can be a difficult one – as its not always very clear how it is meant. It usually doesn’t “feel” like a compliment. Or as though it was said in encouragement.
You are left with the feeling that the person is questioning the validity of your condition – CFS or ME.
But impossible to respond to – because of the way it is said.

3) This one is said more aggressively.
And you are left in no doubt that the person either thinks there is nothing wrong with you. Or that you are exaggerating things for some reason.
In my experience this has always been impossible for me to respond too also. Usually because of being taken aback by the manner of the person making the comment. But also some of the typical CFS or ME symptoms seem to kick in – like not being able to find the right words when needed (brain fog. ) And I have always been left unable to make any sensible and non-angry response.
Several hours later – I will think “Oh I wish I had said . . . . “ .
But the moment has passed.

Advertisement