I WISH FOR :
To be walking on a beach, feeling the warm sand under my bare feet
To feel the sunshine on my face
To be near to water, looking out at a huge ocean, all the greeny blue water
To see the calmness of the hills, their stability
To swim in the sea, or even just walk in it and feel the water around my legs
To sit outdoors and lean against a big solid tree, eating a sandwich, looking up at the sky
To sit on a balcony early evening, looking out at a view of water and hills. And faraway houses.
Maybe with a nice glass of chilled wine
To feel the warm evening air flowing thru my loose hair
To eat a seafood salad in an outdoors cafe, perhaps looking onto a quiet beach
To be able to read a good book and just lose myself in the story
To listen to calming beautiful music
To be very far away from all worries, all insecurities, all fears about the future.
Just for a while . . . .
Not asking for a perfect life – but just for some things to get a little easier.
Bankruptcy for me has been absolutely no relief whatsoever. It has been brutal.
It has replaced some stresses with different stresses and worries which seem to be keeping me quite unwell. And I suspect the sheer trauma and impact of it all may have made some of my symptoms even worse,
eg, severe brain fog (aka cognitive dysfunction or brain dysfunction)
headaches, and hyper-sensitivity to things like noise, light, using laptop, mobile, watching TV, even listening to music
Hey Ho, nobody said life would be easy . . . .
I crave the company of people who are :
gentle
calm
kind
have empathy and compassion for others
understanding
non-judgemental
are willing to learn, to listen
have varied interests
have a good sense of humour
don’t have rigid black and white opinions
have had life experience which has given them an open mind
I need to avoid people who are :
ignorant and unwilling to learn
abrupt
sarcastic
(sarcasm when aimed unfairly at me is absolutely lethal for my ME, an instant trigger for all my symptoms escalating)
people who make fun of, or laugh at, others’ limitations, or problems
people who make jokes about things that are not at all funny
have rigid, unbending opinions
who get bored easily – there is so much in life to experience (how can people get bored . . . ?)
But I guess we would all like these things . . . !
Your Jaw Never Gets Tired 
You Look Fine . . .
September 22, 2012
Anne Uncategorized brain fog, comments, disbelief, ignorance, invisible illness, kindness, things People Say 1 Comment
You look fine or You look well or You Don’t Look Ill
Thought I would give this one a post of its own.
We have all had this comment.
In fact – not just us with CFS or ME, but many others who have what’s termed an invisible illness.
There are 3 different ways this comment is made in my experience :
1) As a genuine compliment.
Made from somebody who really means well or cares.
And in this case it is very welcome. As it is usually obvious that the person is saying it with genuine affection and all good intentions.
And it is a nice thing.
2) It is said in a doubtful manner.
This can be a difficult one – as its not always very clear how it is meant. It usually doesn’t “feel” like a compliment. Or as though it was said in encouragement.
You are left with the feeling that the person is questioning the validity of your condition – CFS or ME.
But impossible to respond to – because of the way it is said.
3) This one is said more aggressively.
And you are left in no doubt that the person either thinks there is nothing wrong with you. Or that you are exaggerating things for some reason.
In my experience this has always been impossible for me to respond too also. Usually because of being taken aback by the manner of the person making the comment. But also some of the typical CFS or ME symptoms seem to kick in – like not being able to find the right words when needed (brain fog. ) And I have always been left unable to make any sensible and non-angry response.
Several hours later – I will think “Oh I wish I had said . . . . “ .
But the moment has passed.