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My Work Is Killing Me

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My Work Is Killing Me

Couldn’t get back to sleep – the racing brain again.

Thoughts rushing around at 100 miles an hour, lots of different work ideas, many contradicting each other, cannot decide what best to do over 2 o/s issues from yesterday, lots of other o/s problems rushing into my mind that need dealt with too, all important things (as I deal with Property – everything has a financial effect or knock-on and a financial penalty if ignored too long).
But I cannot focus on anything properly.

My concentration is shot to pieces – and its only 6.30 am. Not even out of bed yet or started my day.

And have the bad headache back again.
It started chewing away at my head as soon as my thoughts turned to my work. But don’t want to take painkillers just yet. (only 4 left in the house – but that’s a separate problem !)
So decided to type a post for my blog instead.
As my hope is that getting this out (of my head) will help release stress therefore help my damned CFS symptoms . . .

Don’t want to go into too much detail here about yesterday’s property problems – as it will be on the boring side. (And I plan to start another blog about this.)

But the No 1 item in my head is the unhelpfulness of the banks.

In particular a bank I spoke to on the phone last night for around 30 mins.  I mean we all know it’s the credit crunch – but honest to god – they could not be more difficult or awkward to deal with if they tried.
I was left feeling that I wished I hadn’t bothered as it turned out to be such a waste of my time and my energy. Both as valuable to me.
Still – I should be grateful that at least it wasn’t India.

I am sure this is the No 1 reason for so many small business going to the wall.

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Brain Fog & Racing Thoughts

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A Wasted Friday

I am glad its Saturday.

Yesterday was a rubbish unproductive day!
Now I don’t obsessively measure my days in terms of “productiveness” in the way that I remember employers doing. But it was a write-off.
But unfortunately it hasn’t been written off in my mind yet and I’m still fretting about it.

This is why I’m adding it to my blog at this early hour on a Sat morning. An early hour for me at the weekend but my sleep pattern is “gubbed”.
Nb. I have borrowed this marvellously fitting word from a great blog called :
http://www.velo-gubbed-legs.blogspot.co.uk by Nasim Jafry. I hope you don’t mind Nasim?

Anyway the very poor summary of my work yesterday consisted of :

a) One letter which took me a ridiculous 2 hours to type ! Yes – that was it.
(I changed the content and tone of it so many times.)
b) Plus a lot of thinking and mulling over property & tenant problems – but no actual “doing”. About 3 hours spent (wasted?) here.

All the usual CFS or ME problems were present.
But I seem to be finding that the “neuro-type” symptoms have been getting worse and worse for some time now. Certainly a few years at the least. And even more so over last 12 months – really hindering me.

For the benefit of non CFS/ME sufferers : by neuro-type symptoms I mean :

Brain Fog :
Cannot think clearly, if at all. A bit like your thoughts are trying to get thru mud or treacle. And it is all so very very slow . . . Plus trying to find the right words can be hard too. Or to finish the point you are trying to make. (Or even work out what the point is . . ) Forgetting the point of what I was talking about mid-sentence is common. A total nightmare if in a phone call – but not easy either when a letter or email.

Hyper & Racing Brain :
Dozens of thoughts racing about at 100 miles an hour, conflicting thoughts, decisions, changing mind, more frantic thinking, cannot decide what best to do, or what to do 1st, or in what order, etc. Just unable to think straight or focus or concentrate.

Out of these 2 symptoms this 2nd one for me is probably the more exhausting as my brain feels as if it has run a marathon afterwards. If that makes sense?
Often I still have to later change what I have done or decided – as it can seem obvious (when rested) that I have made a bad decision. Or I have just confused everyone – including myself !

The headaches are so bad too. They come often with quite an intensity. Plus I find more and more that I cannot tolerate even looking at a PC screen for long. Or a TV screen. I seem to be getting more and more sensitive to colour, moving images on TV, sound, etc.
Which isn’t helpful at all.

Anyway by 5pm I just had to give in – and took painkillers and went to lie down in my bedroom next door to my office. With the black-out blind pulled fully down. Had planned to get up after a few hours, but ended up getting into bed and staying there for 10 hours – until 3 am.
I was just too exhausted to get up before then and my brain felt burned-out as I was still thinking about so much stuff while in bed.
But hunger finally got me up and went down to kitchen for something to eat.

Not the way I would choose to spend a Friday night.

Just realised this is another long post. (Have no idea how I manage on Twitter . . .)
And it is rather moany again. I admit I was feeling a bit sorry for myself. Although now that I’ve typed it I feel much happier.

Note To Myself :
Some Aims : do shorter posts and more fun ones !

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