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Too much thinking ?

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Have realised this week I need to be more careful with what I do.  And not to get so carried away with things. If I am enjoying something and find it interesting and worthwhile – I tend to kind of throw myself into it and lose all track of time. And this can (and often will) make my CFS symptoms worse. Except I don’t realise this while it is happening or building up – but only when it is too late. If that makes sense to anyone ?  That awful post-exertional fatigue – except that “fatigue” is a very lame description of how it feels. Plus very nasty headaches this week with eye strain and over-sensitivity to bright lights, noise etc. I got to the stage I couldn’t even tolerate watching TV or reading a book or paper.
Not ideal.

This week I have spent far too much time at my desk using my laptop – again.
I have to do this with my work stuff and that can’t usually be avoided.  But have also being spending too much time on twitter. And thinking up stuff my for blog. Actually that gives the impression I am struggling to find stuff to use – but its the opposite problem. My head is full of over 20 years worth of stuff I want to get out – the problem is deciding what to write about first. So I end up spending too much time thinking and mulling over several options and ideas at once. Then end up too tired or headachey to write anything at all !
Overthinking stuff is maybe something I have always been prone to doing. In fact when I was doing Mickel Therapy back in 2008-09 David Mickel once said to me that his biggest challenge (ie. read problem !) was to get me to stop thinking so much. You see Mickel Therapy although decribed as a “talking treatment” is NOT a phsycological treatment. It has nothing at all to do with positive thinking, changing your thought processes, analysing, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), etc etc. (Just decided I would add this as I know there will by many sceptics out there – which is a pity.)

Back to my point :
Although I really enjoy twitter as there is a whole world of interesting people on it, and subjects that interest me – I have to accept this involves too much time staring at my laptop screen. And I will keep doing this blog – but must try to get into a better routine with it. Just decide on an item and write about it. Don’t over-think it and don’t worry about trying to make my writing perfect either. It is just a blog after all – not a classic novel. Both these things involve me spending too much time thinking, and over-stimulating my brain. Twitter of course is fatal for this – so many people and so many subjects of interest on it. Interesting to me anyway. But although my head feels it is enjoying this – I have to accept that sometimes my body does not, ie, the bad CFS symptoms this week.

Not a very good post I know – more a note to myself.

Do any others with CFS or ME feel their symptoms get worse if spend too much time thinking ? Or over-stimulating the brain in some way ?

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A Small World

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Right now I feel as though my world consists of 2 rooms upstairs in my home – ie. my bedroom and my office (which is in the next bedroom). And my day to day life is just : work – exhausted/CFS worse – then sleep.
Then more of the same.
But at least I do have the luxury of working from home and for myself. Which is just as well as some days I work very badly or slowly. And some days I don’t manage at all. But thats nothing unusual with CFS – it just wouldn’t be much good to an employer !
The biggest problem I have right now is when I try to have a decent break to allow my CFS to get a bit better – all the work problems escalate. (I always have a backlog as its hard to get on top of things.)  After a few days off I will feel rested and stronger – but then have to face problems that have resulted from me missing things that maybe had to be done by a certain time. And with it being property – almost everything has a financial penalty or cost of some sort. This then causes more work and problems . . .  and a lot of stress.
An awful lot of stress !
So I seem to be in a vicious circle which is hard to get out of.
But I have to keep going – no other option. I did choose to get into property because I have CFS. (Realise that will sound odd and will explain more in another post).
I never expected it to be easy or a short-term thing. But right now it is quite a struggle.
Its difficult to get any balance in my life – like doing nice things eg. actually seeing people, friends, actually getting out of the house. Even just watching TV or reading would be nice !
I seem to be cancelling things more – or just not making any arrangements in the first place, as I know there will be a high risk I will have to cancel if not well on the day.                                                                                                                       So its not easy at the moment – but I will get there.

NB. I’m not looking for sympathy here – I just want people who know me to understand. Because I don’t think very many people do ?

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